Daring Greatly Summary: Erin Marshall and LeChae Nelson

            The author of Daring Greatly, Dr. Brene Brown, explains throughout her book the importance of not perceiving vulnerability as a weakness; but rather,  viewing it as the most important way to measure courage. Dr.  Brene Brown has her doctorate degree in social work and has spent the majority of career researching shame and vulnerability.  She has also been a speaker at many TED talks, which she addresses throughout her book. She states that vulnerability is neither good nor bad, it is just important that we embrace it, because it is foundation for creativity, innovation, and change.  Therefore, without it, scientific discoveries, marriages, careers, etc. would not occur.  Dr. Brene Brown discovered, through performing interviews and observing data that the vast majority of the population believes that being vulnerable is being weak; and as a result we are numbing all our joy and happiness in our lives. 

            Dr. Brene Brown defines vulnerability as, “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.”  In order for us to feel connected to one another, we must be vulnerable and allow ourselves to not expect the worst and fear being our true selves.  Vulnerability is the core of all of the positive and negative emotions that we feel throughout our daily life.  When we do not embrace being vulnerable we experience negative emotions such as fear, anger, and rejection.  On the other hand, when we do accept our vulnerability we are able to experience more joy out of daily activities and are less likely to let others’ critiques interfere with our opinion about ourselves.   Vulnerability does not entail sharing every single detail of our personal life to everyone, it is simply to allow ourselves to be courageous and take chances rather than just stay in the background because we are afraid of what others will think about ourselves. 

In order for us to take risks such as talking in front of a large group of people, it is important that we first gain support from close friends and family members. As Dr. Brene Brown explains, “In order for us to feel trust with a person we need to be vulnerable, and in order for us to be vulnerable we must gain trust with a person.”  Furthermore, there is a constant cycle of gaining trust with a person and also increasing the amount of vulnerability we express with that person.   The first step in embracing vulnerability is allowing ourselves to take a chance and ask for support.   Once we have gained support, we are more likely to feel confident and begin taking larger risks such as asking someone on a date.  Therefore, it is vital that the first step in expressing vulnerability in a larger setting be feeling connected to close friends and family; which we can obtain by opening up to them. 

            One of the many factors that can hinder our ability to express vulnerability is scarcity.  Scarcity is the feeling of never being good enough in any aspect of our life.  In today’s time, the majority of scarcity arises from social comparisons.  We compare others’ relationships, careers, appearance, etc. on a daily basis causing us to feel bad about ourselves.  The more negatively we view ourselves and our abilities, the less likely we are to put ourselves in vulnerable experiences.  The feeling of scarcity comes from shame; which is the fear of being disconnection from others.  Shame is the foundation for vulnerability.  We choose not to be vulnerable because we fear that in doing so we will be rejected by others.   

 In today’s time, it is quite common to fear terrorist attacks, school shootings, crimes, etc. because they are occurring more frequently now than ever before.  The increasing fear that we may have of these situations occurring can cause us to fear trying something new.  We must overcome these fears in order to for our worries to not interfere with experiences that we could have.  For example, a parent’s fear of a school shooting occurring in their child’s school can be interfering in their daily life causing chronic stress and concerns.  It is important that we are able to focus on what we appreciate and enjoy about life; rather than, imagining horrific events that could happen to us.  Imagining these things will significantly decrease our ability to be vulnerable and will also decrease our quality of life.

As stated previously, shame is the fear of being disconnected and is the foundation of vulnerability.  Dr. Brene Brown stated, “The most powerful way to trigger shame is reinforced when we enter into a social contract based on gender straitjackets.  When we define our relationships by saying, “I’ll play my role, and you play yours.”   After interviewing several men and women, Dr. Brene Brown found that for women the top pressure that they feel is to be feminine/perfect and a good mother.  She found that main pressure men felt was to not be perceived as weak.  If they were unable to achieve these standards, they were left feeling shameful and upset with their selves.

 Shame hits us the most halfway through our life.  At this time most women feel as if they are exhausted and overworked, and for the first time in their life they are seeing things as impossible.  On the other hand, men are beginning to feel more and more disconnected and are overwhelmed with fear of failure.  Due to gender roles, we feel that it is necessary for us to do everything in our “roles,” even if it is not something we are able to do so we aren’t rejected by our peers.  When we are unable to accomplish our gender roles, we have an overwhelming feeling of scarcity.   In order for us to overcome this feeling, it is important that we let ourselves be vulnerable by being courageous and being our true selves and not focusing on the gender roles that our society has set for ourselves.  In doing this, we will be able to live happier and more fulfilling lives.

It is very important that we are able to overcome shame for us to be more optimistic about our lives.  Many people assume that being a perfectionist and meeting all of the standards society and our peers place on us will allow us to stop feeling shame; however, perfectionism is NOT the answer.  The first step in becoming shame resilient is that we must strive to accept ourselves for whom we truly are and not place importance on what others think of us.  Furthermore, it is important that we only accept the feedback we are given from those who are going through the same things we are going through.  For example, the author states that she only accepts feedback from fellow researchers and does not focus on feedback given to her from common people.  Also, she recommends that we produce a list that includes the names of people whose opinions matter to us.  Therefore, if a person says something negative to us and their name isn’t on our list we shouldn’t let what they say affect us. 

When choosing whether or not you want to be vulnerable, it is important that you choose a person or event that you can feel connected too.  For example, if you tell a very personal story to a person who you do not have a connection too, then they are likely to not receive a reaction that you are hoping for.  The person is likely to feel overwhelmed and confused from your story.  At times it is important that we step out of our vulnerability shield and allow ourselves to be who we truly are.

As a society, we are becoming less interested in upholding our personal values such as not cheating, stealing, honestly, etc. and conforming to cultural norms.  It is very important that we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and stay true to our values.   For example, politicians name many values that they will abide by during election time; however, most turn to blaming and not being honest when they are elected.   This creates disconnection between the citizens and the politician; which results in disengagement.  Furthermore, we do not vote as often and do not pay attention to debates because we believe that the politicians will just change their values once they are elected.  Disengagement is the feeling that we do not care about something or someone; it occurs in schools, churches, families, etc.  The author states, “When we try to give people what we don’t have, we are producing a mind gap.” Therefore, it is very important that we stick to our values to prevent disengagement and to remain true to ourselves.

When we allow shame to overwhelm our lives, it is only a matter of time until it causes disengagement.  Therefore, as we become leaders, we must recognize the importance of encouraging ourselves and others.  A leader should be someone that provides constructive feedback, is respectful, and finally is actively involved. 

Parents, just like leader, must also “practice what they preach.”  For parents, it is very hard to determine how to raise a child in a society that is driven by the notion of never being good enough.  It is important that parents allow their children to overcome obstacles on their own providing support, but not doing it for them.  Also, parents should always express love and joy to their children to let the children know they have a strong support system to live out their dreams.  Finally, parents mold their children into adults.  Therefore, it is essential that they give their children the opportunities to be hopeful and not be afraid of rejection.

 Interview:

Do you perceive vulnerability as a weakness?

Julia:  Yes, we shouldn’t allow ourselves to be put in situations that make us feel vulnerable.  For example, it is very hard for me to fall in love because I have been hurt multiple times by opening up to men.

Rob: Yes, when we fear something it causes us not to do things that we should experience.

Simon: No, it isn’t a weakness.  When we are vulnerable we are allowing ourselves to be who we are.

Henry: Yes, when we are vulnerable we are letting others see us as being weak.

 

What is your definition of shame?

Julia:  Feeling sadness about something when another person made you feel that way.  For example, my teacher once laughed at me when I answered a question incorrectly in class.

Rob: Feeling bad about doing something that I did and wishing that I could do it over again.

Simon: Regretting something that I did or saw happen.

Henry:  Like, when I am embarrassed and wish I hadn’t done what I just did.

Would you describe your parents as being overly protective, just right, or too few boundaries?

Julia:  My parents were just right.  They had boundaries in place like doing school work before hanging out with friends and I had to be home at a certain time each night.  But, they also trusted me to make decisions and let me make decisions rather than them doing it for me.

Rob: My parents allowed me to do pretty much anything I wanted to do once I got older.  I think that that is good though because they trusted me in making good choices. When I get older I don’t want to put strict boundaries on my children because I believe that they will just rebel even more.

Simon: My parents were all three of the options at different times in my life.  The older I got the less protective they became.  However, I still had to listen to what they told me to do and a do what they asked of me.  I would say that my parents were just right.

Henry:  My parents weren’t a huge part of my upbringing.  They never really cared what I did.  I wished that they would have cared more about what I did because I made some stupid mistakes when I was younger.  However, those stupid choices made me the person I am today. 

 

Questions:
1. What is the foundation for vulnerability?
2. What is the definition of vulnerability?
3. What is the definition of shame?

4.  What is the definition of scarcity?

5.  In what time of our life does shame impact us the most?

6.  What is an example of shame that the majority of females feel?

7.  What is an example of shame that the majority of males experience?

8.  Give an example of scarcity?

9.  Name the first step that must occur in order for us to be vulnerable.

10.  Is vulnerability defined as being good, bad, or indifferent?

11.   What does disengagement mean?

12. Why is it important to uphold our values?

Survey:

http://www.self-compassion.org/test-your-self-compassion-level.html

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Finding Purpose in Life: Rachel Borgemenke and Greg Holben

Man’s Search for Meaning

Author: Viktor Frankl

Rachel Borgemenke and Greg Holben

Man’s Search for Meaning is written by a Jewish Holocaust survivor and psychologist, Viktor E. Frankl, and it gives a unique psychological perspective into the daily life of not just Viktor, but other prisoners during their wretched stay at various concentration camps. The novel begins with Viktor’s rationalization for writing this book. He confers about how there are three definite phases to a prisoner’s reaction to their life at a concentration camp that occur throughout their occupation. The first phase expresses how the prisoners are in complete shock once they arrive at the camps. They still cannot fathom that they are in this “hellish place”. The next stage elaborates that at a certain point the prisoners are not apathetic towards the death and suffering that is around them every day. They are totally emotionless to the tragedies that are in their vicinity. The last phase discloses the psychology of a prisoner right after their liberation from the concentration camps, acceptance of what has occurred. They struggle with the realization that they can go back to their old lives and it affects their daily mental processes.  

These three stages can be applied to any event that an individual sees as tragic. These stages can be seen in events as tragic as being a holocaust victim or, in a not as severe sense, getting a bad grade that we didn’t expect. When thinking about a test that we’ve failed, we first go into a state of shock. We couldn’t have done that terribly! Following this stage of shock is apathy and a state of emotionless because we do not know what will become of our grade and we don’t know what to do about it. However, after time has passed your senses come-to and the third stage has begun, your realization, or acceptance, that life will move on and you have learned to study harder next time. These tragic events are described by Viktor as challenges that set individuals up to realize the purpose behind each event. We go through these stages as a means to seek for our purpose in life and in his novel he describes his personal journey through the stages.

In the book, Viktor depicts his personal tragic story and each phase. Phase one began with his arrival at his first concentration camp, Auschwitz. He explains how he and his fellow prisoners at this point held onto the small glimmer of hope that they will be liberated at the last possible moment. He correlates this feeling to a phrase called “delusion of reprieve”.  This phrase can be explained when thinking of a man on death row acquiring a false belief that they will be reprieved seconds before their execution was supposed to commence. Next, Viktor recollects how after getting off the train right after arriving at Auschwitz, the women and men were shred of all of their clothes and belongings and divided into two lines, one for the women, and one for the men. Following the split, each person would advance to a SS guard who pointed either left or right depending upon the individual’s physique. If the person looked capable for work they went right, if they looked frail they went left towards the crematoriums, or “showers”. Following selection between the strong and weak the prisoners were sent to poorly constructed buildings contaminated with infectious diseases, including typhus. After each prisoner claimed their “place” within their new home their minds began whirling with ugly thoughts. Within these buildings men would lose themselves and eventually Viktor described their mental processes as that of animals. With their mental state declining prisoners began to think of better ways to die than starving or becoming infected in a concentration camp. Viktor conveys to the reader how every singly prisoner contemplated suicide at some point due to the hopelessness they felt on a daily basis.

Transitioning into the second phase of reaction, in which Viktor terms the apathetic stage, we begin by being told of how the prisoners become numb to the horrors that surrounded them. A prisoner would watch a gruesome beating by a Capo or a SS guard on a fellow prisoner and not have the slightest emotional reaction to the incident. It was always known that the Capos were power hungry and most aggressive toward the prisoners, yet, those who suffered in their apathetic state were unable to acknowledge the mistreatment. Viktor recalls a time that he worked in a small hospital located within the fences of Auschwitz that he would see patients pass from Typhus and not have the least bit of remorse for those patients. During this phase Viktor, however, befriended a prominent Capo within the concentration camp. Viktor would provide excellent psychological advice to the Capo. Following the author’s release from camp he stated that this relationship may have saved his life because the Capo assigned Viktor to easier jobs and provided him with other important things for survival. After that, he discloses to the reader how the food and water rations had been gradually decreasing as his internment grew longer. As a result, Viktor could see who was going to die next.

Following his time in Auschwitz, Viktor was shipped to a “rest camp” outside Dachau. Viktor felt extremely uneasy once he heard the news of his transfer, but became relieved upon his arrival that there was no “chimney” which put him at ease because he knew that he could not be gassed there. Once at the new concentration camp, Viktor comes to the realization that the prisoners do not have any complex thoughts anymore, just thoughts about survival. They have become numb. This sickens him deeply, but he understands why this happened. In addition, Viktor observed that a prisoner’s number was more important than their name. This demonstrated the type of disregard for life at the concentration camp. During his time at the “rest camp”, he as well as the other prisoners have the feeling that they will never be liberated from this “hellish place”. For that reason, he concludes that the prisoner’s morale is increasingly more suicidal, so he voices to the prisoners that they need to use psychotherapeutic techniques, such as thinking about the bright future these prisoners will have after liberation, to stay alive. This technique is known as logotherapy which is continuous theme throughout the book. The author describes this therapy as the will to find the meaning to life.

The purpose of Man’s Search for Meaning was not intended to show people how to find a purpose in their life, but more-so to tell about a man that overcame so much by taking life’s hardships not as negatives, but taking them on as challenges. Viktor wrote the novel in 9 days and was able to convey that by evaluating yourself in terms of the things you have accomplished and allow your reaction to shape who you become. By being aware of who you are, what you’ve done, and what you can do you can get that much closer to finding your own life’s purpose. Viktor considers there to be 3 sources of meaning that help us stay positive and face what he calls “Tragic Optimism”. He says that by doing something significant, work, caring for other, love, and having courage during difficult times we can conquer anything and each of these aspects can help us find our purpose.

During difficult times there are three parts to Tragic Optimism: pain, guilt, death. These aspects are different groups of what we must overcome to successful complete a life obstacle. In order to be successful, though, you must remain optimistic by reminding yourself why you are here. For instance, in the novel Viktor claims that man’s highest goal is to find love. Therefore, to help remain positive seek out the three sources of meaning and find what keeps you motivated. Despite the shape they were in upon liberation of the camps, Viktor and his fellow camp mates all had something keeping them alive besides food and water. They found their purpose.

In the shift to the third reaction phase, the psychology of a prisoner after his liberation, or acceptance of what has occurred. To further explain, it is the mindset following the end of whatever tragic event or challenge has occurred. In the book, the prisoners’ mindset begins with complete shock that they have been liberated. Then, he becomes disillusioned and bitter once they returned to their former life. This bitterness stems from their fellow townsmen who claim “[they] did not know about [the camps].” Prisoners were disillusioned because when they got back they usually had nothing that they had in the past, including their family members. The author himself had lost both a manuscript and his pregnant wife during his time at the concentration camp, the two very things that motivated his will to live. Each of us have our own will to live that stems from whatever we feel is most important to us. For some it may be a goal, others it may be their family. In that sense, our will to live is individual and can only be determined by oneself.

Viktor concludes his book by saying, “The crowning experience of all, for the homecoming man, is the wonderful feeling that, after all he has suffered, there is nothing he need fear any more—except his god.” He essentially states that these prisoners have seen the worst that mankind produce so they need not to worry about anything except God now. In our own lives we can evaluate the experiences we have gone through and how we have overcome them. Those experience are what we learn from and help us grow and shape the person we are; however, it is not our life events or tragedies that shape who we are, but our reactions to them. We have control over who we become and the purpose of our lives.

“Interviews”

Juan (20), Loretta (22), Martina (21), Antonio (21)

-          Do you feel that you know what the meaning of your life is?

o   Juan- Yes, it is simple. He believe it is the pursuit of happiness.

o   Loretta- thinks that her purpose is to live each moment to its fullest

o   Martina- I do not. Feels that she’s too young and her “five-year” plans always seem to fall through, so she doesn’t feel that she has made to a point that she can determine her life’s meaning.

o   Antonio- No, because the meaning of life can be so different from person to person.

-          How did you figure out the meaning or, if you have not, how will you?

o   Juan- through his experiences of the catholic church and with the priest

o   Loretta- She has done, in her life, what she feels makes her happy because she feels that life is about being happy

o   Martina- Hopes to figure it out through family and career (teaching) and looks forward to have children later in life. She feels that these will give her a “purpose” in the world.

o   Antonio- He will keep doing things that will make him happy, prideful, and will help him find his meaning of life.

-          Can you think of an example in your own life when an experience shaped who you are?

o   Juan- one day he was fishing and fell off the dock, someone jumped in to save him. While underwater he saw all of his loved ones flash through his mind and he found this event humbling. It shared with him those who truly mattered to him

o   Loretta- there was a time in her life that she felt that nothing seemed to be going right until one moment she felt that everything was going to be ok and she just needed to be happy.

o   Martina- when house burnt down in 2010. Learned to appreciate more things because you expect things to be there all the time, you get in a routine, and then when it’s gone it opens your eyes to what could actually happen. Nothing is guaranteed.

o   Antonio- Traveling through Europe with his father as a little boy broadened his horizons and made his more accepting of others

-          Do you think that the majority of people know what the meaning of life is?

o   Juan- yes, because at a certain point through life and after certain experiences he believes that everyone will find it.

o   Loretta- Believes that everyone has their own view of what the meaning of life is

o   Martina- honestly no. People are not focused enough to think and search for their life’s true meaning. Plus, they do not take the time or don’t have the time to do so.

o   Antonio- No, because it is complex and difficult to understand and fully comprehend

 

12 Questions

What is logotherapy?

What are the 3 phases of Mental Reactions?

Who were more aggressive towards prisoners?

What does Viktor consider to be the 3 sources of meaning?

3 Things make up “Tragic Optimism”, what are they?

In terms of the prisoner’s mental processes, who does the author (Viktor) compare them to?

Man’s highest goal that they can aspire to is ______.

Which was the 1^st concentration camp he went to?

“Forces beyond your control can take your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation” p. X. Summarize what this quote means?

What 2 things motivated Viktor’s will to live while he was in the concentration camp?

How long did it take Frank to write Man’s Search for Meaning?
 

Survey:

https://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/questionnaires/perma

How will you measure your life? Ashli Culver and Morgan Gocke

How Will You Measure Your Life? by Clayton M. Christensen uses

 several theories to answer the question of how to find happiness in your career, happiness in your relationships, and how to stay out of jail.  Theses different theories are designed to help someone make good choices throughout different situations in life.  A good theory is not trying to change someone’s mind but instead applies to all companies of people because it is a general statement of what causes something and why.  These help to organize, explain, and predict life in order to get the most out of it. The sections of this book use overall strategies along with theories to provide information in leading a successful life both in business and life.

Happiness in career:

“The only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know it when you find it.” –Steve Jobs

Waking up every morning being thankful for what your doing is an amazing feeling and this book will build strategy for you to do exactly that. The author states the definition of strategy as ‘what you want to achieve and how you will get there.’  Three main points are included that can help create a strategy- priority, opportunities and threats, and allocating your resources.

Priorities

What’s most important in your career? What truly motivates us? Motivation arises when we feel engaged with our work. Being pleased with our work will allow us to return home feeling accomplished and happy. Overall, the commitment with our work will allow us to return to it feeling motivated and energized. The book focuses on two main concepts; incentive theory and motivation theory.

The incentive theory describes the action of paying employees to do a specific job. Incentives or rewards can take the meaning out of work and rather than working for a purpose, someone may be working solely for the incentive or reward.  The motivation theory distinguishes between hygiene factors and motivation factors. 

Motivational factors include challenging work, recognition, responsibility, and personal growth. Motivational factors are less about the external stimulation, and more about what’s inside of you and your work. Hygiene factors are status, compensation, job security, work conditions, company policies and supervisory practices. Hygiene factors will not make one truly love their job, but allow one not to hate their job. Hygiene factors are much more a by-product of being happy with a job rather than the cause of it. If we can realize this we will be able to focus on the things that really matter in life.

            Christensen describes the motivational theory as the best way to encourage employees. If you have motivators at work, the theory suggests, you are going to love your job- even if you are not making piles of money. You are going to be much more motivated.

            “Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.”

People who love what they do and think that their work has a purpose have a great advantage. They show their best effort at work and in return are very good at their job, which can lead to increasing hygiene factors.

Opportunities and Threats

It is a balance between our plans to find something we truly love doing with the opportunities and challenges that we never expected to arise in our lives.  Henery Mintzberg expresses that options for your strategy spring from two different sources- anticipated opportunities and unanticipated opportunities. Anticipated opportunities are those that pursue a deliberate and specific strategy. Unanticipated options emerge, as the deliberate plan is being implemented and is usually a cocktail of problems.

Emergent strategy is the day-to-day decisions that pursue unanticipated opportunities to resolve unanticipated problems. The emergent strategy becomes the new and improved deliberate strategy. We are constantly navigating a path by deciding between our deliberate strategies and the unanticipated alternatives that emerge.

The best strategies to finding happiness within your career frequently emerge from a combination of deliberate and unanticipated opportunities. It is important to realize that most events do not go as expected in life. Expecting to have a clear vision of where your life will take you is just wasting time.  Even worse, it may actually close your mind to unexpected opportunities.

Resource Allocation

Resource allocation is defined as a ‘look at what people actually do, rather than what they say they will do.”  We have resources including personal time, energy, talent and wealth, which we are using to try to grow several “businesses” in our personal lives. For example, rewarding relationships, a strong family, successful careers, etc. However, our resources are limited and our “businesses” are competing for them. We must prioritize what is important to us. How you allocate your resources is where the rubber meets the road. Strategy can only be implemented when your resources support them.

How you allocate your own resources can make your life turn out to be exactly as you hope or very different from what you intend.

Happiness in relationships:  

“The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family”. –Thomas Jefferson

Through looking at every aspect of our lives as a job this will help us to understand what will make others and ourselves happy.  When there is a job to be done it is simpler to solve what the other person needs instead of just guessing.  Often times the marketer or other person in a relationship assume they know what the consumer or other person in the relationship needs.  However they never take the time to ask.  This logic brings up the theory of “the job to be done”.  This theory can first be applied to businesses to understand the marketer and consumer relationship. 

A job to be done in the work place

IKEA produced a way of shopping unlike any other.  They realized that the consumer was buying the product to do a job.  Therefore they came up with a product to do the job of cheap, easy to put together furniture that is all in one location.  Since the store is so large they installed a restaurant and child-care facility to solve the job of a hungry person or busy mom.  This design creates a great experience keeping a costumer loyal.

When researching how to improve milkshake sells the question of what is the job of the milkshake needs to be answered.  The morning customers liked that the milkshake took a long time to drink keeping them entertained and full in the morning.  The afternoon customers liked milkshakes because they could tell their children yes to that instead of a new puppy. However they did not want to wait for the child to drink the whole shake.  The revelation was the need for a thick shake in the morning and less chunky half size option in the afternoon.

A job to be done in relationships

Stress can be placed on a person when they do not have a way to solve a job that needs to be done.  When this happens a product can be produced such the 12 minute games for a busy father to spend time with his children or V8 juice to make mother happy you are consuming vegetables.

If you understand the job you are being hired for in your personal and professional life the pay off will be enormous.  One of the most important jobs will be becoming someone’s spouse.  The best way to make them happy is to put yourself in their shoes and learn what job they need from you and vice versa.

Children’s relationship with school can determine their likely hood to stay in school.  Children have two fundamental jobs to be done; to feel successful and to have friends.  These can be found else where such as gangs therefore it is up to the school to provide a curriculum that makes a child feel successful while making friends.

The theory of capabilities suggests the need to be challenged and the more outsourcing the less development of capabilities.  Outsourcing is the idea of others doing either simple or complex tasks for you.  Outsourcing becomes a problem when your whole life is outsourced and you do not learn how to develop into a person that can survive on your own.  This over outsourcing tends to come from the parents. 

Capabilities in the workplace

Dell got themselves into trouble through outsourcing to a man named Asus in Taiwan.  The reason for this is it was cheaper for other countries to make the products but through doing this Asus learned enough to start his own company.  Therefore the point is that if we outsource everything we loose control of our future. 

Capabilities encompass three categories: resources, processes, and priorities.  The resources is what is given, processes is how you use the given, and priorities is why you use the givens.  The theory of capabilities gives companies the framework to determine when and when not to outsource.

Capabilities in relationships

What are our and our families’ capabilities? We cannot go back and develop missed capabilities but we can help others learn to develop them using resources, processes, and priorities.  Parents tend to outsource these aspects to themselves not teaching their children how to solve problems and build self -confidence.  The theory of Theseus’s ship raises the question if your children learn capabilities, priorities, and values from other people whose children are they?

The theory known as “right stuff” or the schools of experience will help increase the skills needed to be fully prepared for the career of your choosing.  This theory explains the difference of looking good on paper and having the experience to be the best at your job. 

The “right stuff” in the workplace:

Christensen looked to Morgan McCall of the university of southern California to describe this theory.  He says “they had honed skills along the way, by having experiences that taught them how to deal with setbacks or extreme stress in high-stakes situations”

The main idea is to choose experiences instead of glamorous options to help you in your ideal career.  Nolan Archibald did this through working in an asbestos mine to gain the skills of managing and leading people in difficult conditions.  He then became the youngest CEO of a fortune 500 company.

The “right stuff” in relationships:

Parents need to give there children experiences to learn so that they do not expect your help every time they need something.  Parents can also use outside sources to teach skills.

The theory of culture defines how a family or company self-manages itself.  There is cohesiveness in the values and goals of the organization.  There is a mutual understanding that once molded is difficult to break.  Culture occurs in repetition of solving problems or instilling a value.

Culture in relationships

Culture is the visible elements of a working environment.  In both family and employee relationships culture develops because each party is consistent in practicing the values they want their culture to be known for. 

Staying out of jail:

“The safest road to Hell is the gradual one—the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts”. –C. S. Lewis

The final section of the book answers the question how to stay out of jail.  This can be accomplished through the theory “full versus marginal thinking” which also answers how can I live a life of integrity.

Full vs. marginal thinking in the workplace:

Blockbuster had a marginal viewpoint before they went bankrupt.  This meaning they did not think there was a need to change their ways when the competitor Netflix came up.  Netflix had a full viewpoint meaning they were constantly creating new business within the original business.  The full cost viewpoint is most often always the best because in the end it becomes the marginal cost when a new full develops.

Full vs. marginal thinking in relationships:

The “just this once” principle leads people with marginal thinking down destructive paths just to get ahead where they made a mistake or missed a full cost opportunity. 

The last piece of advice is to be committed to your commitments 100 percent of the time.  The author gives the example of him not playing in the college basketball final game on Sunday because he made a commitment to respect the Sabbath and not play ball on Sundays.

            Overall this book gives applications through theories that could be applied to anyone’s life now or in the future.  Christensen makes you think about what will make you happy and gives you the theories to do so.  He touches on main aspects of life such as career and relationships and living a life full of integrity through staying out of jail.  Theories are different ways of thinking that tend to make general statements about how to improve your quality of life. 

Interviews:

Questions:

1.    What are your main criteria in choosing a job? Why?

2.     What kinds of experiences help you do your best in jobs and relationships?

3.    Is there something that you have always been committed to and never broken?

Alexandre was the first person we interviewed. We met Alexandre at the restaurant Barracuda after class. We politely asked him if he would answer a few questions for us.  We typed our questions on an English-Spanish translator app to help us clarify certain words. His answers were very short because he struggled with English.  Although his answers were short, they were very powerful. His answer to the second question was very bold and interesting.  Alexandre’s answers are listed below.

1.     Choose something you like.

2.     All experiences help. Never regret anything, and learn from your mistakes

3.     Never cheated in a relationship

Isabeo and Caterina were interviewed at the same time. We met the girls at the school cafeteria. We decided to interview them since they spoke decent English and were friendly. We were hesitant about interviewing the girls together because we were afraid they would copy each other’s answers

 Isabeo’s answers are listed below:

1.    Enjoyment. I would prefer do something that I enjoy for less money rather than something I hate for more money.

2.    Observing hospitals to be around people with different backgrounds to help me not be as likely to treat someone different at work when confronted with someone unlike myself.

3.   Spending time with my family at Sunday evening dinners

Caterina’s answers are listed below:

1.  I would have to love going to work everyday and not dread it. I would have to be interested in the topics.

2. Talking to people and looking at other professions to gain different points of view on how to approach a problem

3.  My virginity until marriage

  Surprisingly the girls only had similar answers to the first question. Both of the girls had dreams of working in the medical field, but did not know what exactly they wanted to do.

The fourth person we interviewed was Fernando. We met him on the beach by our apartment. He expressed that he had studied in England for a semester. Because of this Fernando spoke understandable English, so we decided to interview him. Fernando’s answers are below:

1.     Good money, and career advancement so I can live a less worrisome life.

2.     My parents made me work as a child. This helped me know the value of money and gain communication skills. I believe my work experience sets me apart from others.

3.     I made a promise with my parents that I would be committed to getting the best education possible. Education is the one thing that no one can take away from me.

Questions:

1.Do you think incentives are a motivational tool for employers?

2. Compare and contrast the difference between extrinsic and intrinsic motivation. Which motivation would be the most stimulating for you?

3. Are you more concerned with motivational or hygiene factors when choosing a job?

4. How do you think resource allocation shapes your life? Do you spend your resources on your top priorities?   

5.What job is school doing for you?

6.What is one capability you wished you had developed as child?

7. To not just look good on paper in a resume what experiences can give you the skills needed to be successful in your career?

8. In your future family what is one trait you want your families’ culture to encompass?

9. Would you take the risk in a business to take the full cost approach opposed to the marginal approach?

10. Have you used the “just this once principle” then done whatever action again?

11. What is something you can commit to 100% of the time?

12. How could you use these theories to improve your lives now and in the future?

Survey:

http://www.thehappinesscenter.com/survey/survey.php